Identity Crisis

What do I want to be when I grow up? And when do I have to give an answer to that question? I'm 38 years old and just last week I decided to become an stronaut or a fairy princess. This week I changed my mind and am considering mountain climbing and travel marketing promotions. Next week it's another story, and I'm already investigating the idea of becoming a tropy wife to a VERY rich, VERY old man.

The thing is I have no idea what I want to be. A writer? Maybe, sometimes. A webstress, extraordinaire? More times than not. Pretty much what I want to be is a rich, superhero. I know, it's not much of a definition, nor very realistic, but at least it gives me a framework.

The superhero part indicates some kind of charity work, but the rich part kind of precludes most 501C3 work. So then what?

I do know that I think the following things SUCK:

Stuffing envelopes
Washing windows
Any type of housework
Being ordered around by a ridiculous boss
Fetching coffee (unless it is a Starbuck's run and someone else is paying.)

Anyway, most of you know that a year ago I declared work independence. I gave six week's notice at my job and basically walked away from the 9-5 world without a second glance. I had some money (not enough) saved, and I had many, many, many professional contacts. No actual projects or clients had been lined up.

Now I've kind of spent the past year dinking around "finding myself" or whatever the p/c term is these days.

So after some brainstorming and talking with friends I made one big realization. I'm spending so much time being good at EVERYTHING, I haven't left myself enough time to be GREAT at anything. Now, how am I going to be a super hero without having at least one Super Power?

So I did the career planning thing this week, catalogued my strengths, weaknesses, what do I like, what am I good at, blah, blah, blah. I made the decision. I'm going to focus on my marketing agency. I'm going to specialize in promotion in Latin America. All stuff I do well, and with a little bit of work these things could be Super Power.

Then, pow, I secure a new tourism client, and the focus for them is online marketing, so now I'm changing my focus (if you can even call it that) again. Spent some time the past few days stressing over my lack of commitment to my own future.

But then I hit the pay off. I realized

I DON'T CARE.

I'm having the time of my life. I'm poorer than I've ever been. I'm mismanaging credit. My wardrobe has degenerated from cool business suits to ripped jeans and raggedy sweats.

But I'm having a blast. If it's a rainy day, I take a nap at lunch time. If I'm infused with creativity, I will stay up all night long to get my work done.

I'm incredibly busy, maybe even more busy than when I was gainfully employed. Time seems to be hurtling along at not-yet-defined scientific term that makes light speed look like a turtle's crawl.

The thing is that maybe when I grow up I want to be exactly who I am today.